A Humble, ENGLISH (?) Wayside Flower
by Kisses on the Steps
Summary: Dover High School is home to the Scarlet Pimpernel mascot, who battles the cross-town rival Liberty High School's Chau-Chau the Fox. French foreign exchange student Marguerite St. Just has to deal with the fact that her boyfriend is starting to "prefer" his guy friends over her in the midst of directing a play that is doomed to fail from the start. This story is silliness.
1. Prologue

**So, this is my humorous story that I have been itching to submit for awhile. I hope you guys like it, because it is pure fun on my side, something I need after serious/sad stories like The Beginning and Armand and His Angel. R&R as well as follow and fav!**

* * *

******Dedication: I am formally dedicating this story...*drumroll*... to _myself_! I was inspired to do this from my own brilliant mind. Go Kisses on the Steps!**  


* * *

******Disclaimer: I do not own "The Scarlet Pimpernel" by Baroness Orczy, though I _do_ own a Scarlet Pimpernel mascot. I also do not own Walmart, obviously, because I would be doing bigger and better things with my life, sorry fanfiction. net. Oh, and I don't own pokemon, which is not possible even if I wanted to, since I have yet to watch any real form of anime... wait is pokemon anime? I'm not entirely sure. I don't own any YMCA's or Fitness Plus' (you can sort of imply that from me not owning Walmart). And I absolutely do not own, "What Does the Fox Say?" because I _hate_ that song with a loathing. In fact, this disclaimer sort of depresses me..._what_ do I own? Oh yeah, my pillowcase, because I've drooled on that (and a screaming, unfortunate Freshman at the end of this chapter, which was me inserted into this story ;)**  


* * *

**A Humble, _English_, Wayside Flower  
**

The high-schoolers of Dover hated their mascot. It could never really be explained but through the comparison of perhaps a tiger and a chipmunk. Which will win? The tiger, of course, because it sounds more intimidating than a harmless chipmunk. Heck, if in the correct universe where a tiger would be existing in the same environment as a chipmunk, the tiger would eat the chipmunk.

Dover High School was great academically, their musical and drama department flourished, and the teachers were known for their support and superiority in modern styles of teaching that helped to raise all their students' grades..._except_ that they had the most humiliating mascot ever. Dover High School was home to the Scarlet Pimpernel, which was to everyone's dismay, a flower that didn't even originate in New England, even better, it was from Great Britain!

For some reason, Principal George Regent and his staff took special pride in their embarrassing little mascot, planting the tiny red flowers in the gardens, which soon infested the tulips and roses, and choked them to death. The gardens were then a vision of red weeds and the skeletal remains of actual, _real_ flowers.

Sports, however, held the worst time for Dover High School. Around the conference, they were known for their unusual mascot. Thankfully, the Dover sports teams did moderately well, but every player and student turned their heads away in embarrassment and flushed when they heard the cat-calls of their opponents' fans quite clearly:

"The Pimp Wimps lost again!"

or,

"Could you hook me up, Pimps?"

It was always the worst when they played against their biggest rival from across town, Liberty High School, which had a freaking awesome mascot (compared to Dover) called Chau-Chau the Fox. Liberty fans went wild when Chau-Chau, always dressed in black, sprinted with the cheerleaders down the track.

Liberty's school song was conveniently,"What Does the Fox Say?" and they always loved to rub it in everyone's faces. The fans usually joined in a dance mob on the stands whenever they scored, while their opponents tried to shake their jealousy off by saying that song was SO last year (but they secretly wanted to join in on the flash mob, just for the fun of it)

Pathetically, the Scarlet Pimpernel, with an embarrassing red hat and green stalk with happy, upturned eyes that secretly creeped out all the Freshman, received more boos and stony faces than cheers from its _own_ crowd. Nevertheless, the current mascot of the football season of Autumn 2014 somehow _never _lost enthusiasm, which was secretly endearing to the athletes and cheerleaders. There was never appreciation shown to the Scarlet Pimpernel, mostly it was laughed and scorned at, causing many replacements every year.

Though, the first football game of the season, against Liberty, the Scarlet Pimpernel made a spectacle of itself. The whole crowd was shocked when their supposed wimpy mascot hoisted one of the foreign French exchange students into its arms and ran across the whole of the football stadium with her above its head. Girls failed to hide their drool and boys envied as they tried flexing their arms, but failed showing off their muscles impressively. Everyone had assumed the mascot would be a geeky Freshman whose mommy forced him or her to get a life. This was definitely not the case.

The mascot was definitely a male (and yes, most mascots had turned out to be girls), and he_ definitely_ worked out, perhaps at the Y, or another fitness center. The buildings were soon filled with teens suspecting and guessing while working out. More staff was hired to cope with the huge increase, but when the middle-schoolers took interest and became curious, the little facility could not handle the flock of adolescents. To everyone's relief, the YMCA and Fitness Plus announced their plans to expand to multiple buildings, causing workers to be hired in the construction of it.

Less and less teens went through drive-thrus. Now depressed potato chips on the shelves and chocolate ice-cream in the freezer were cozy tight at Walmart while waiting for the eventual, lonely buyer, while vegetables, fruits, protein shakes and energy drinks were constantly out. This caused someone in the community to open a small business dedicated to being fit.

Overnight, the Scarlet Pimpernel had become a local sensation! And all because he had ran Suzanne Tourney across a football field. He had inadvertently ended child obesity and rising unemployment in their community.

Everyone adored him, t-shirts with pimpernel flowers sold like crazy at school functions, and soon, a wise student took advantage of his situation and opened a merchandise stand called, "The Humble English Wayside Flower" that sold all things to do with the Scarlet Pimpernel: posters, action figures, seeds, hats, costumes (those were the most popular Halloween costume that year), bracelets, and bobble-heads. Little skits were put on each week by extreme fans from the theatre department, all a success financially. The football stands were packed and sold out every game afterwards, on both sides. Everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of this infamous Scarlet Pimpernel, all yearning to guess and theorize and suspect each other.

Chau-Chau the fox, now nearly forgotten, glowered whenever Dover's fans screamed louder than Liberty at games, and rubbed his hands cunningly when he saw his _own _fans cheering for their rival. He had the gall to approach each of them and personally asked each of them to leave Liberty's stands. The "traitors" were then mortifyingly walked to the track to Dover's stands, where they were greeted warmly by the Scarlet Pimpernel himself.

The next game against Liberty, the beloved, humorous mascot took advantage of the situation given him. After a brilliant half-time show by the Marching Band, which had done a formation in honor of the five-petaled flower, he, the Traitors and his theatre fans performed a skit. A thespian acted as Chau-Chau the fox, but dressed in tattered black clothes, where he picked on the real-life Traitors until the Scarlet Pimpernel showed up, in disguise in a pokemon pikachu blanket fashioned into a flowing cape. He whisked the victims away in his muscly arms to the Dover stands.

The applause was deafening as thousands raised their voices, screams pierced the air, and a little Freshman girl fainted! (Out of lack of breath of course. Reports say she had been screaming and freaking out for quite some time during the half time show and during most of the skit as well...there were other stories saying she had been knocked out by a rain of pennies coming from upperclassmen above her. Everyone went with the former)


	2. Silly-bands, My Precious

**Thanks for the reviews guys!This story is a fast-paced version of TSP, so expect around, perhaps, 10-12 chapters! This is, again, a parody, so do NOT take anything seriously!And the delay can only be excused with the claims of every students' worst enemy, "The College Paper" (especially when you've never written something college level before because you're a 10th grader...). Hat was due on Monday, so I've been trying to prioritize, and yeah...so don't expect this to pop up every week, because I have two other stories I am working on that take precedence. ANd yes I know these chapters are pretty short. This is a side job, okay? Sorry...  
**

**Disclaimer: I hope that I've established that I don't own anything but a poor little pillow-case that I soak every night because I can't keep my mouth shut, whether it be while I am sleeping or awake!**

The new hot spot for Dover to meet and discuss the town's "politics" was the recently built Fisherman's Workout. No one really knew the reason for its name, since the closest fisherman they knew of lived in complete hermitism on the side of a lake in the hills somewhere (or so the myths stated). Anyways!

The moment one walked into the workout center, they were greeted with the scent of saltwater and fish, which made little sense, though there was no fish in sight, since Dover again, had nothing to _do_ with the fish industry. Perhaps it was Sillyband, the owner; a middle-aged man who wore an excessive amount of silly-bands on his legs and arms, even though he was in no ways resembling a teenager.

(The whole population knew the notorious Mr. Sillyband, who felt he should and _could_ relive his highschool golden years with his daughter, Sally, a freshman. The name had stuck when silly-bands had come out and now, no one remembered his real name, which had something to do with a time when he had sold jelly and jam. Everyone believed Sillyband had forgotten as well)

If one walked next to Sillyband, they would catch whiff of the salty, fishy smell and have to run away. If anything was worse than the smell of body odor, then it was the smell of _fishy_ body odor.

After getting past the smell of Sillyband, the students entered the themed workout room. There were fishnets lining the walls and the circular windows brought in dim light which the blue floor did not help to brighten the room either. It could hardly count as a workout room anyway. There were weights, and that was it. No machines, and they thought it quite lame until they realized that it was a great place to socialize! They could watch the young men who worked out, whose muscles were the largest and made them drool the most, and speculated! And all the while lifting two pound weights, so they wouldn't look like bums.

On a more fishy-smelling day than usual, one of the basketball jocks, Andrew Foullkes, walked into the new workout center with a few friends. On his arm was the heroine of the school, Suzanne Tourney, who was also a very attractive French foreign exchange student. Sillyband (who of course, knew who this "god" of the school was) could have almost bowed in worship to Foullkes when the teenager walked straight to the owner.

"Sillyband," he nodded his head, while the full-grown man just gaped.

"Ugh," he finally grunted, "hi."

"You wear a lot of sillybands, ugh Sillyband," Andrew stumbled, somewhat having a hard time addressing the man in front of him with a serious manner.

"Yes," he said in question rather than statement. It was also well for him that he did not have to speak more than one syllable at a time so far.

"Do you have a Scarlet Pimpernel silly-band?" Sillyband hesitated. Yes, he had found one while fishing through the bucket at the store a little and eventually got into a fight with another crazed scarlet pimpernel fan which ended with the enemy receiving a blow to their windpipe. He remembered holding his prize in delicate fingers and whispering, "My..._precious_"

"We all know you have it Sillyband."

_They knows, they suspects us!_ a voice in the back of Sillyband's whispered to him.

**Too risky, too risky. Thieves! **He answered back in a mutter.

"NO!" He cried, half crouching behind the desk, making his guests jump in shock.

_What's it saying precious? Sillyband, losing his love?_

**No, not, Never! Sillyband hates nasty boys. Sillyband wants to see them..._dead_!**

_And we will...Its ours. OURS. _

**We must keep the precious! We must not let it go!  
**

_Patience, my love. Patience. First-_

"Are you all right down there?" Andrew knocked on the desk, becoming impatient.

"Yes. just...a moment!" Sillyband stood, flushed and panting.

"Do you need Sally, or some water?"

"No, no, we're-I mean..._I'm_ fine. What were you going to say?"

Andrew gave the older man a suspicious look and continued, "Percy Blakeney sent me here to buy one from you, if you were willing to sell."

"No-" he cut in shortly. "If I found such a prize, I would never give it up."

Andrew Foullkes exhaled loudly in frustration. "Perhaps, you could order more. If anyone has connections with sillybands its you, ergh Sillyband."

Sillyband narrowed his eyes; if he could order any more of them, he would keep it for himself. There would be piles and piles of scarlet pimpernel sillybands in his house. If the hoarding show came to his house for an intervention, he _still_ wouldn't give them up.

"Well, then there isn't a way to get anymore."

"_Anymore_, as in anymore than the one _you _already have?"

"No, we don't's have it!"

"Whose we?" Sillyband inwardly cursed himself-every time he thought about that object, he started to talk with plural nouns.

"Nothing, we're, ahhhh... I'M fine! Now, aren't you here's-I mean_ here_ to workout?"

"Sure," Andrew faked a grin, just a teensy bit worried for the man's sanity. "We were just waiting for two more people." He smiled apologetically to Suzanne behind him, who was rubbing her arms anxiously.

Just then, a crash sounded. They wondered if it had anything to do the storm outside blasting lightning, or if it was because the door hung open. Either way, Suzanne screamed like a goat and shrunk behind Andrew, as another customer entered the Fisherman's Workout.


	3. Soaked Cothes

**Here's another chapter guys! I've got another dreaded ,"College Paper" and a Midterm coming up as well, so I wanted to post this first! Thanks to Clio1792, TheEternalDaylightingRanger, Marguerite, and my beloved TSP friend, Alpine Sheep! I'm glad that you're getting the randomness, and if you haven't,I don't know what else to do, soooooooo review about what made you laugh, or what you liked best! This chapter introduces Marguerite and a bit of her and Percy's history.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these words. Some Roman guys put together some Latin for us (very distinguished from PIG Latin, might I mind you) and eventually, some English guys put those words with some Greek words and mixed them together. Tada! They own the words I put together randomly. So whenever you get the chance to visit Rome, Italy, and Greece, walk up to some ancient statue and say, "thank you."  
**

**(Note: _Merde _is French for poo, and _dégoûtant _means disgusting).**

"Oh come on, Percy!" Sillyband, and Andrew's posse heard a young woman's voice shout. They all recognized it and stiffened. Marguerite St. Just, the other foreign, French exchange student at Dover High School was the most beautiful girl attending either rivaled high school. She had been in America since sophomore year, and was about to go back to her native country at the end of her senior year. For this reason, Marguerite had seemed to stay out of any relationship and focused on school, even though men of every age fawned over her. Some students theorized that she would give herself up to become a nun when she left for France (which was totally typical. The hottest women ended up single for the rest of their lives and never passed down their God-given looks!), until a Facebook status on a fateful day in June changed that theory.

Her relationship status had been changed to the notorious heart of "in a relationhip"! And an hour later, the anxious population of Dover were appeased and then shocked when she posted a picture of herself with her new boyfriend, Percy Blakeney. It shocked her 10,358 friends on her social media sites to the point where their picture together was re-posted, re-tweeted, and shared over a hundred times.

It wasn't that Percy Blakeney wasn't gorgeous enough for her, because _believe_ the author, he was absolutely gorgeous (Breaking the 4th wall! HEAR ME SMASH!), but he was hopelessly stupid, while Marguerite St. Just's own name sounded intellectual and radiated smartness.

He was excused most of the time though-he was their previous idol (before the excursion of the Scarlet Pimpernel, of course). He hosted the best parties, set fashion as a parallel to a male Marguerite, did remarkably well as Dover's star basketball player, could be unthinkably idiotic most of the time, and was about as shallow as a children's kitty pool.

Suzanne, after cowering behind Andrew when the lightning struck, flinched when the voice penetrated through he thunder and rain, and tried to gain her "cool." It couldn't be regained though, goat-screaming is a serious subject. Nonetheless, Andrew Foullkes still glanced at the beautiful French girl and gawked at her gorgeousness. Part of the attraction was the accent, and the _other_ part was the way she muttered French words _ in_ that accent when she was angry. Most of the time she did it after an argument with him, which probably wasn't an altogether good sign...

Anyways, an attractive young woman wearing a somewhat wet tank-top and yoga pants walked into the Fisherman's workout. Her nose was somewhat crinkled (from the fishy smell of Sillyband's pleasant aroma), and face annoyed, but nonetheless, her damp red-blonde curls (the students at Dover could not determine the exact name for her unusual hair-most believed she just had a very good dye from Paris, but the _real_ term was just a unique, natural strawberry-blonde) clung to her face attractively, swinging in a high ponytail.

"Sillyband!" She cried with impatience. The older man jumped and nearly hopped his way to her.

"Yes?" He turned up big, admiring eyes at her.

"Can you please go and convince my boyfriend that there is no such thing as valet parking at a workout center!" she exclaimed with frustration. Sillyband fumbled to go about her demand, not bothering to grab a raincoat as he hurried into the rain.

Marguerite went about mumbling as she looked at her wet, unappealing outfit, before realizing that anyone else was there watching her. "Oh, _Bonjour." _She greeted sheepishly before setting her eyes on Suzanne and beaming with white teeth. In response, her friend grinned nervously and then quickly turned away. Marguerite frowned and moved to her side, knowing that people didn't scream like goats for absolutely no reason.

"Suzanne. How are you?"

"Completely fine! Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine! Why do you ask? Are you doing okay? How's your play?"

Marguerite just raised her eyebrows and sighed, "Well, it's a week from performance, and my leads haven't even gotten off the book yet, so in other words, it's a pile of _merde!" _

"Oh, speaking about that, I know how passionate you get before a performance, so I've decided it's just best if I stay away from you until next week..." Suzanne bit her lip, ready to scream goat-like if Marguerite got physical.

"What?! But I need to talk to you and let my stress out. Who am I supposed to vent to?"

"I'm sure you can passionately explain your problems to your hot boyfriend. He could," Suzanne wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, "give you some distraction."

"Dégoûtant! Suzanne what are you thinking?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong! Percy and I-"

They were interrupted by a loud, boisterous laugh from the doorway,when Sillyband and Percy Blakeney walked in, soaked. One looked absolutely disgusting with his clothes sticking to his large, hairy stomach, while the other was extremely attractive and being soaked to the skin actually defined his perfect abs, triceps, biceps (any type of "ceps"), gluteus maximus, and calves. Any girl within a five mile radius could have drooled at that sight, except for Marguerite. She sighed at the interruption and went over to join him-helping him sign in like she was his mother.

It was hard for her to conceal her feelings of betrayal and sadness, that she was more sharp than usual with Percy, who though slow, had plenty experience with girls to understand when she was upset.

"Did something happen, sweetcakes?"

"If you hadn't been out busy trying to find valet parking,_ Blakeney_, you would have known. I did tell you there was no such thing at a workout center, didn't I?"

"I swore I remembered Sillyband having it." His face showed hard concentration and then boyish triumph, "And I convinced him to get that in order! It would totally help his business."

"In what ways? It would just require more workers to hire and less income for him!"

"Because I would totally use it!"

"But no one else would!" Percy pursed his lips and was about to shake his head when Marguerite brought her finger up to his lips. He stopped, hardly breathing at her actions. She quickly moved her hand away and awkwardly shifted her feet.

"What were you planning on doing here?"

"Well, in any normal center, I would totally go swimming, since I'm already soaked, but...I heard Sillyband went so crazy into the theme of the ocean, he put piranhas and other types of fish in there!"

Marguerite made a face and walked away.


	4. Chau-Chau, Chauffeurs and Children

**Percy and Marguerite angst! Thanks for the reviews, you guys are AWESOME! Don't forget to favorite and follow too!**

**Discalimer: Soe, i dont oooen anithing inn tiss chatper. Barness Ortsy haz all rice too Pency and Margwerte. Injoy!**

"So how can you avoid me, Suzanne, if we are going to be in the same room?"

"Hush," her friend replied, "I'm avoiding you!"

"I know, but it doesn't make any sense!"

"It doesn't make any sense for you and your boyfriend to be on such distant terms!"

Marguerite sighed quietly, glancing around the hallway of The Fisherman's Workout. Percy was changing into drier clothes with Andrew, and the thought made her stomach flip.

"Percy is just being..."

"What? Snobbish, boring, stupid?"

"All those things, yes, but he's starting to...worry me."

"In what ways?" Suzanne opened the doors to the weight room and picked up a 3 lb weight.

"I think he is starting to out me on the back-burner." Suzanne just looked at her curiously. Who would want to put gorgeous Marguerite on a back-burner? Wouldn't that hurt? But, Suzanne reasoned in her mind, the back-burner probably doesn't hurt as much as the front-burner.

Marguerite explained further, "He's hanging out with his guy friends a lot more than he used to, he even goes on yacht trips with them-"

"Maybe..." Suzanne interrupted, a look of incredulousness crept into her face as she half whispered, half shouted, "he's _gay!"_

Marguerite laughed hysterically until she saw the serious look on her friends face. "You're serious?"

"Dead serious." She closed her eyes in an attempt to think. "Maybe, the only reason Percy's dating you is so he doesn't have to come out of the closet to his dad!"

Marguerite shook her head in disgust, stood and walked out of the room, opening the door just as Percy was reaching for it on the other side.

"Hey babe," he said with a lazy smile.

"Don't call me that," she muttered as she pushed past him and half-ran down the hallway. Once out the doors of the fishy-smelling building, Marguerite sighed in relief. It had stopped raining! She decided to try and find Percy's sports car, and sighed when she found he had parked it in a handicap spot. She tried the passenger's handle and found it unlocked. She smiled and got in only to give out an exasperated scream in frustration. The seat was completely wet. For some stupid reason, he had cracked the windows a fourth the way down. She immediately got out and leaned against the car.

"Well, look who I have the pleasure of meeting here." Marguerite almost swung around, but realized her butt was soaked and decided to keep leaning on Percy's car.

"Armand."

He came into view-black hair and a thin face. Armand was the foreign exchange student at Liberty High School, and had quickly become an enemy. He was aggressive, basically bloodthirsty, and had been on the verge of almost being sent back home for getting into too many fights with people at school. He looked small and wimpy, but every big football player learned their lesson that Armand could kick-butt.

"I'm sure your school thinks they are soooo great with your wimpy pimp."

"Are you trying to gloat over me? Because at the moment, I should be shaming you over your childish chicken 'Chau-Chau."

"I don't want to talk about my mascot, I want to ask you about yours."

"And why is that?"

"I have a thing called school pride, and your mascot is making it hard for any of us at Liberty to have a shred of it."

"And you think I have information on the mascot? He's a mystery to me, no one knows who he is."

"Then find out," Armand grit his teeth.

"I would never help you Armand."

"Would you find out for me, if I threatened the unhappiness of your little brother?"

With that, Marguerite fell to pieces. If anyone mentioned hurting her little brother, she couldn't take it. He was only a 6th grader!

"I have a younger brother in 8th grade. I'm sure you don't want Buford to pick on him."

"Oh please no," Marguerite cried, "You're so awful!_ Je vous déteste!"_

"I'm doing it for the good of my school;you can do it for the good of your brother."

With that, Armand left, and Marguerite decided that she wanted no more encounters-with Suzanne or Armand! The car would keep her safe. She sat down and sighed, only to jump up and yelp in surprise, _again_.

"Percccccyyyyy..." she groaned.

"Yes, Sugar Booger?"

She gasped at Percy's unseen approach. He wore a gray t-shirt, basketball shorts with red, mid-calf length Nike socks and gym shoes.

"First off," she forced a smile, "You are definitely not Jimmy Neutron's father, and only he says 'Sugar Booger'. And, weren't you going to play?" she asked.

"Basketball? Yeah, but if you want to be taken home, I can do that."

Marguerite sighed happily at his attentiveness. "That would be wonderful Percy, I'm not in the mood for anything right now."

"That's alright. Just wait a second." Percy ran back inside, probably getting their things.

"Okay," she smiled. Suzanne was of course wrong. Percy could not be gay. She inspected the reflection of her butt in the side mirror. Who could resist Marguerite St. Just and her bodacious butt? Not even Percy.

Percy came out into the fresh sunshine of a new, clean world, with Sillyband at his heels. Marguerite narrowed her eyes at the pair as they approached.

"Marguerite, Sillyband is going to take you home."

"But-but" she sputtered. She almost laughed at the idea! "Sillyband needs to stay here. He's working." Yes that was a good enough reason.

"Sillyband doesn't have a daughter for nothing, sweetcheeks. Besides, this way, _everyone_ is happy. You get to go home, I get to stay, and Sillyband gets a taste of valet parking!"

Marguerite glanced at Sillyband, who had already stepped into the sports car, before continuing, "Percy! That isn't valet parking. He's being a taxi driver!"

"What's the difference? I always end up with my car back. Through the police, or Dad buys a new one."

"_Dieu Percy. _I am NOT getting into that car."

"Why not? Sillyband's nice!"

"First off, look at my butt."

"What?"

"Look. At. My. BUTT!"

He cautiously glanced at it for a second, as if scared she would bite him. "What about it?"

"It's soaked! Your seats are all soaked, and plus Sillyband is a _creep_!" Percy waved her off with a loud, annoying laugh.

"If it's that much trouble, just stay here."

Marguerite would have to pick the lesser of two evils.

"Would it be that much trouble for _you_ to just drive me home, Percy?"

"If the seats are soaked as you say, I can't risk getting these shorts wet. I already have one pair of clothing soaked through, thank you very much!"

"You're impossibly stupid. You know that?" she lashed out, folding her arms with a fixed glare at her boyfriend.

"Yeah, some people have mentioned that already, my dear." He waved it off.

"Well, you need to hear it again," she shouted, laughing cruelly. "I'm going to leave, then, so have fun throwing an orange ball around with your equally airheaded friends!"

He stood there smiling, like he welcomed the fact of his laziness and carelessness. She stomped up to him and whispered furiously, "You don't know what you're missing out on, Percy Blakeney...Goodbye."

He grinned, "I know exactly what I'm missing out on _honey."_

"Good. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Marguerite stalked to the red sports car, skipped shotgun, and got in the back, only realizing when she sat down, that the only window left open had been hers in the shotgun seat. She clenched her fists, wanting to put a hole through the dang window, when she realized Suzanne was right in wanting to avoid her.

She _did_ get extremely physical and aggressive before a show.


	5. Blessed Homophones

**Hey guys, so my school firewall is back on….so no more writing on fanfc during the week! It stinks SO much right now. I can't go on tumblr or facebook or anything fun. Last week was good though, even though I updated two chapters on my other stories, I have myself room for this story to be worked on THIS week! Hopefully, I can remember what to write since I don't have access to my recent chapters. Special thanks to everyone who has been reviewing. You guys are all lovely and freakin awesome. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I am the private owner of the Rotterdam Laughing Cavaliers and the Dover Scarlet Pimpernel, but I have no claim over anything Orczy wrote about a secret enigma called the Scarlet Pimpernel. In fact this story is only about a football game….… or is it?**

**Dedication of Chapter: This chapter formally goes to the homophones, 'know' and 'No' **

The place was a football game. The time was a football game. And the feeling….? Well, it was it was a football game. High spirits for Dover and their Scarlet Pimpernel mascot while their Rotterdam opponents on guest side were low. Dover was losing actually, but it would have sounded like they were beating the Rotterdam Laughing Cavalies to a bloody pulp. If the Scarlet Pimpernel was renowned for his awesomeness, the Laughing Cavaliers were the opposite. For one, the mascot looked pretty cheesy –a guy with a big yellow mustache with a stupid smile on his face. Plus, their student section was only a dozen strong.

Dover's mascot was quite impressive that night, he did flips and performed with the cheerleaders, receiving hundreds and thousands and hundreds of thousands and _millions_ and _billions_ and _trillions_ and…. Okay, well, not _that_ many, but A LOT of people cheered.

Marguerite was sitting by herself away from the student section. Suzanne, she could see, was in the front row of the section, cheering loudly for Andrew, and Marguerite knew her friend wanted to "avoid" her. And Percy, for some reason, turned down her date offer. They hardly ever went anywhere together, but she gave it a shot, and he turned her down saying he was "busy." Quite a lame excuse even for someone as dull as Percy Blakeney.

"Marguerite," she jumped at Armand's creepy voice.

"What do you want?"

"Your help. You know."

"I know what?"

"You know," he exclaimed in frustration.

"No. I do not."

"You know-"

"NO! I freakin don't know what you're saying!"

"Let me finish! I was going to say 'You know, you are speaking like Yoda, now."

"You were going to say that when you originally came over and talked to me?"

"NO!"

"Know what?"

"Dieu, Marguerite! Let me start over! You know I want your help! In fact, I came over here to get it! If you don't, something is going to happen to number fifty-seven." Marguerite glanced to the game and recognized the number. It was Andrew.

"You jerk! Can't you leave me alone?"

"Can't your pimpernel leave us alone?"

"I'm not going to be blackmailed by you, of all people. My boyfriend-"

"Your boyfriend's a prat."

"A very hot, buff prat. And he could take you."

"If it comes to that, I'm not sure your own brother has anyone to take care of him if I don't keep Buford off his back."

Her little 6th grade brother! He was her life, and he was so sweet! The poor child had already been beat up by Buford in pre-school for crushing on Angele. He didn't need another beating! Armand looked at her expectantly, but she shook her head, so he sighed and stood. "I didn't want it to happen this way, but you leave me no choice," he reasoned clichély.

"You don't know how many times that line has been used in movies," she scoffed.

After he left, she sighed and stood, taking a step, and fell into the row of people in front of her. There was a series of ignominious death threats before she realized her feet were tangled in the blanket she was wrapped up in. She mumbled an apology and used a man's bald head to get back up on her feet. She cringed and somewhat fled down the bleachers to the concession stands to escape the charred remains of her pride.

"Come and get your pimps' best merchandise right here! Lowest prices, with a great deal!"

Marguerite looked around for the person shouting-did the school allow _that_ type of business on school grounds?

"Take three and get one free!"

She cringed in disgust.

"You know you want to!"

Marguerite decided to find that vulgar dealer. Amidst the dozens of people socializing and eating way over-priced concession stand food, she finally recognized the voice and felt her blood literally boil. So that's what he did on his free time! She figured he would become a pi-"

"Blessed Darling!" He called to her, "It's ugh…nice to see you here."

"Percy," Marguerite forced a smile and turned around, prepared to see some type of makeshift brothel behind him. But he was only surrounded with scarlet pimpernel merchandise, and she realized what he meant by pimps.

Her cheeks were ablaze with the rest of her pride. "I thought you said you were busy?"

He wearily ran his hands through his oh-so-silky hair and sighed. "Well, I _am_ busy. I have to take this shift here because all my workers are involved with the game.

"You could have told me you were working, and then I wouldn't have gotten so angry with you."

"Oh, you were angry?"

"Yes, you idiot!"

After hearing the valid reason, she could forgive him and tried to follow him as he went to the back of the tent, but soon, she lost him amidst the sweatshirts, t-shirts, backpacks and canteens.

"Could you do me a favor?" His head appeared before hers in a moment, through a wall of products.

"Sure."

"Could you watch the shop so I can go pee?" Marguerite scoffed and nodded as Percy disappeared again.

Meanwhile, half-time approached, and the fans were anticipating the performance of the Thespians and the beloved Scarlet Pimpernel. The marching band did their usual formation, and suddenly in the middle of the flower, the mascot appeared with a saxophone and started to scoop the instrument in rhythm with the song that was playing. The band marched off, playing the Pimpernel's fight song, while the mascot stayed on the field waving to the crowd as scarlet pimpernel bouquets were thrown to him.

The thespian troupe ran up to meet him in the field. One of them dressed as a knock-off of the Laughing Cavalier, and another as Chau-Chau again. The "mascots" circled around each other like a wrestling match until one of the opponents threw the first punch. Much to the population of Dover's delight, he kicked butt.

Literally.

Neither puny thespians stood a chance against so great a mascot, but if they hadn't been good actors, it wouldn't have been so exciting. The cavalier and fox received their punches and kicks like they were actually getting beaten up; it was that realistic. To add hilarity to the fight, the guy up in the announcer's booth played a track of sound effects that went along perfectly to what was happening on the field. Finally, a large "SMACK" was heard and both opposing fighters fell to the ground, unconscious.

Dover roared with pride and hooted while the opposing side frustratingly called out the indignation.

However, all the fans were pumped and their high school spirit renewed as the football team thundered into the stadium. There were a series plays that author doesn't really know how to describe because she doesn't like football, but eventually, the quarterback, number 57, was in the midst of throwing the football, when a defensive player rammed into him, hard.

57 slammed onto ground with his knee breaking contact first. Everyone sat down and the players knelt as 57 lay on the ground, holding his leg while medics scurried onto the field surrounding him. After a few minutes, they wheeled him, much to everyone's horror, into an ambulance and took him to the hospital.

Dover knew they were screwed.


End file.
